Coffee can be Soothing
June 21, 2012 § 3 Comments
This was supposed to be a blog about food and travel and tidbits about my dog. When I included “Actually, All About Everything” in the title I never imagined everything including mourning the loss of my baby boy. So, now the blog will include my grief and hopefully my healthy steps back into the light of life. My wound is fresh, hasn’t yet been a week. Sad, heartbroken, hurt, scared, lost – none of these words scratch the surface of what I’m physically and emotionally experiencing.
Anyway, in terms of food. I still like and admire food and want to prepare something delicious again in the future, but for now I have no appetite. The most pleasurable food experience of my day is my morning regular coffee. I sit with it outdoors on my patio or on my screened in deck. I feel the warm breeze, listen to the birds doing their morning business, watch the squirrels pass by with my lovely Otis nearby, and stare at the beautiful flowers I planted in May. I cry. I remember my baby in my arms. I collect myself. The church next to our house rings its bells and plays beautiful music. I cry. I miss my son and want to hold him in my arms. I imagine those moments of holding him in the hospital. It felt right. It was soothing. I never wanted to let him go. He was perfect.
I digress. Coffee. Stumptown. The best coffee I’ve ever experience in the U.S. What I’m drinking is the Hair Bender blend. Shots made in our espresso maker. I savor it as I savor the flowers, the breeze, my dog and my son.