Anger, friends & family

June 22, 2012 § 1 Comment

Maybe today is an angry day. Angry because my heart is so open and the one I want my love to flow to and through I can’t hold. Angry that I’m lactating, but have no baby to nourish.

I met with a friend last night for dinner. No where special. Just Wildfire because they have a gluten-free menu. It was a big step for me, I must not be myself. Typically I go within, I hide, I stay hidden and keep my feelings to myself. Many of my friends don’t know much about me. I ask them questions about themselves and their loved ones, they do most of the talking. I rarely share much at all. I’m surprised I have any friends. I’m surprised they don’t notice or need me to share parts of me. Then again, that’s my perspective. Maybe the bits I share seem like enough of me or all there is to me, so they question no further.

Annie, my friend, is dear to me. Our relationship isn’t old, but feels like I’ve known her always. She’s been soothing me in my dreams lately, so I reached out to her after months of no contact. She replied in the kindest way. I didn’t warn her about what she was getting into by meeting me. I should have. I feel slightly crazy that I didn’t warn her. It’s not yet been a week since my baby’s stillbirth. She’s also going through a tough time. Her mother is fighting ovarian cancer. Heartbreaking. I want to be there for her as well. I should have been there for her months ago. The good thing is we’ve reconnected and plan to see a lot of each other over the coming weeks. She’s such a good person, very funny, very honest and not afraid to get dirty. She’s a true badass adventure chick. The kind of woman I need to surround myself with. I’ll share more about her in the coming weeks. We worked together at an adventure travel/expedition company. She’s still working there. I am not.

Pardon my poor writing skills for now. My brain isn’t firing the way I’d like it to, the words escape me. Also pardon my ugly photo taking. Really I’m much better. I have to remind myself I am an artist and a writer and that everything will fall into place eventually.

We’ve received many kind notes from friends and family. And, it is true there is nothing anyone can say… But, we received this sentiment from a family member and it’s the best thing I think anyone can say considering there is nothing one can say.

The card reads:

The only feeling stronger than loss …
is love.

The note reads:

We want you to know that your loss is shared by our entire family. Our hope is that each day going forward will bring the healing that will mend your broken hearts.

Succinct. Beautifully written. Thankful that I have family supporting me through this difficult time even though they are far away. And, thank you to those who’ve commented. I’m still trying to figure out wordpress, so soon I should be able to reply.

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§ One Response to Anger, friends & family

  • bornbyariver says:

    People whom can soothe and support during times of sorrow are more valuable than gold! She sounds like a lovely friend.

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